As we grieve the loss of the children in Connecticut, and pray for their families and the community at large, we also want to consider the impact this may have on our own family. Hopefully your children have been limited to what they’ve witnessed on TV, but the news was so shocking, it has to have reached most everyone through sheer concern and prayer requests. I’m certain you’ve wondered how to handle this news when it comes to your children, so I’d like to share a few ideas.
First, limit your child’s access to the news.
Research has shown that some young children believe events are reoccurring each time they see replays of news footage. By limiting the media time, you are doing your part to make the child feel safe. Continual reassurance may be necessary at this time. If your child has been witness to the stories, make yourself accessible to them to share their fear and sadness.
Second, be open to listening to your child’s concerns.
If your child is asking questions, let him or her know that all questions are welcomed and no questions are off limits; but let them also know that you may not have all the answers. Allowing children to talk about their fears helps to calm them and reduces the likelihood of trauma setting in. If your older child prefers to not talk about it, but you know they are experiencing sad or anxiety-provoking thoughts, encourage them to journal their thoughts and feelings, and allow them to share it with you or another adult you trust when they’re ready for discussion.
Younger children may not talk about what they’re thinking, but they speak in the language of play. Parents are encouraged to pay close attention as their children play and draw, as the kids are often sharing feelings through this form of communication. It’s most important for a child to rest in the confidence that their parents will help them communicate their fears.
Many Christian children may be asking about this from a Christian perspective: “Where was God?” or “How can God allow this to happen?” Assure them that these are questions that many adults ask as well. Throughout Scripture we see that there has been unfathomable death and insurmountable loss. Because of ‘the fall’ (seen in Genesis 3), sin has crept into this world, leaving us speechless time after time. Sharing with your child that God didn’t cause this to happen, or want this to happen, yet people are not like puppets on a string. We are given free will and have choices to make about what we do and how we behave. Let the children know that God is sad anytime anything happens to His children.
Reassure them that our loving God is there to comfort those families and the other kids at that school. And because He is God, He can be two places at once, so He is also in heaven to welcome those children and lavishly love on them.
Third, know the signs of trauma.
Although many children display great resilience during times of stress, you want to keep an eye open to symptoms of trauma. Those include change in sleeping patterns, academic performance, or interests; increased anxiety about being away from home, refusal to go to school or attend events; increased headaches, stomachaches or episodes of bed wetting. If any of these symptoms take place for longer than a week, it may be worth contacting a mental health provider or your pediatrician.
Finally, take care of yourself.
By showing your children that you can talk about the situation, empathize with and pray for those families, and still maintain a sense of normalcy at home, you’re serving as a model for your children on how to manage traumatic events. Continue regular activities, and even build on this time by creating a greater sense of structure in the home. Enjoy “best and worst of the day” discussions over dinner time, begin family exercise by taking walks on nice days, start a family game night that encourages communication. Here at CCCC, we play the game Life Stories or the Ungame with kids to open them up for good discussion. These types of family activities help restore a sense of security and normalcy for children.
If you feel like you are unable to function or overcome negative thoughts regarding this traumatic event, you may want to consider talking to someone who could help. The professionals at Central College Christian Counseling can help you develop an appropriate strategy for moving forward. Just call us at 614-865-0513.
By Leslie Marshall, MA, PCC
